5 Crazy Crooked I Verses

If there's one aspect of rap that I find particularly fun to listen to, it's great lyricism. Some rappers spit bars so ahead of people that their lines can end up actually going right over people's heads (including myself at times, admittedly), but I believe that's what makes the re-listening experience that much more valuable. It's kind of like re-watching that new episode of your favorite show every week: you're just picking up on what you missed. And if there is one rapper that comes to my mind whose similes, metaphors, punch lines and wordplay are almost unrivaled right now (though criminally underrated to some, even at this point), it's Crooked I. He's built a reputation as one of the best lyricists in rap today (I'd even go as far as putting him in the top 10 all time), and his consistency is incredible considering the thought put into each and every line. Today I'd like to bring to light 5 of his craziest verses (honestly some verses I just thought of rather quickly, there are probably PLENTY more out there that could give even these a run for their money, not because these verses lack, but because Crook is THAT good).

Slaughterhouse - Weight Scale
Craziest Line: "And this bulletproof vest is irrelevant, I'm telling them look at your melon, I'm nailing a shell in it, and the shell is moving right through your melon into your skeleton, then the felon is belling the same pitch the fella was yelling in."

This verse comes from a mix tape (On The House) that precedes what you could say was Slaughterhouse's first real chance at bringing lyricism into the mainstream, their first major label album, Welcome To: Our House. The hunger of each member is sensed immediately in each and every track off of this mix tape, though this track was one of the main stand outs. This beat is fantastic and each member puts their stamp on it despite how crazy and fast paced it is. All 4 rappers are just about at the entire rap game's throat and you can tell they had a message to send from listening to this one, and that message was "NOBODY can out rap us."

Crooked I - Fuck U Pay Me ft. Twista & K Young
Craziest Line: "But if you come lame girl we not that cool, I'm a goddamn fool, I'mma lean my top back and pop that tool, get my guap back you'll, know that I'm that dude, from a top mack school, and a block that rule, read my tattoo."

Crook's Psalm 82:v6 mix tape was his first real solo release after Slaughterhouse's Shady Records debut had came out just earlier that same year, back in 2012. It certainly did not disappoint, and Crook's ability to switch flows from medium sized lines, to short and compact bars mashed together at a rapid pace showed best on the Twista and K Young featured "Fuck You Pay Me". K Young laid down a smooth hook with Twista putting out his typical, in your face fast paced raps on the opening verse. Of course a typical verse doesn't necessarily mean bad either, especially with someone as entertaining as Twista.

Crooked I - No Competition
Craziest Line: "Finish any nigga that thinkin that he gone run upon the general, criminal, on general principle, I'mma give em a bullet the momentum is gonna spin em around, then I'mma give em another round, get rid of em."

No, that's not Twista that you hear from the 2:46-2:52 mark, although it would certainly seem like "Mista Twista" was giving Crook some pointers on this one. Another cool thing about this verse is Crook's reference to Ice Cube's "No Vaseline" diss of, well, pretty much everybody else in NWA at the time. That line goes as follows: "Feelin like Cube in his prime, spittin that gasoline, no Vaseline, name another dude on his grind working like hack machine, go ask your team."

Crooked I - The Shady Dynasty (freestyle)
Craziest Line: "Let me speak into the speaker, starin at the studio walls I'm really just reachin for the ether, when niggas say I'm the best they really just preachin to the preacher, if you're not a fan of me now watch how I seat cha in the bleachers, the beast of Long Beach don't make me feed ya to the creatures, for the dough and cheese the mo G's eat ya like some pizza, eat ya like a piece of quiche and leave you in pieces in the freezer, the streets is opposite Jesus, its all hail like Caesar."

 This freestyle is cool to me because of the Shaq vs. Hakeem reference he makes at the 50 second mark: "when I was flat broke this the vision I seen, I had a dream in a shack like O'Neal vs. Hakeem." If you're a basketball fan, how can you NOT love that?  But aside from the creative double entendres Crook cooks up, this song also has a small message, or a sort of PSA in a way. At the 1:21 mark he discusses a girl by the name of Renisha Mcbride, who apparently got shot and killed by a man after simply knocking on his door (nobody knows why or what for, at least as far as I know). So Crook not only displays his usual lyrical miracle capabilities, but also shows a bit of a socially conscious side that his fans have grown to know on this song.

Slaughterhouse - Sun Doobie
Craziest Line: "Mr. Porter record a piano, producers may wanna order some ammo, I'm a California corner reporter, your boy wasn't born with a with a quarter, bein poor as a whore and now my aura is sorta (Soprano)."

Here's another sweet Slaughterhouse cut that doesn't get a lot of shine. Sun Doobie was supposedly on a small EP that "the Slaughter" released in February of 2011, consisting of 6 tracks (even though it's listed online with a track list, I've yet to find any artwork I believe to be real, I have a hard time finding this official release with details anywhere). A question that "Sub Doobie" brought up with me about Slaughterhouse was "why in the hell doesn't Slaughterhouse get any Mr. Porter production ever?" The guy has a history of some pretty catchy tunes and it'd be sweet to see what him and Slaughterhouse could come up with (or what he could come up with in general, it seems Mr. Porter has disappeared since his D12 days, even with rumors of his own album, whether it be NiNE, tHe mEmO or whatever else, if you're reading this Denaun, we're eager to see what comes next for you).

Anyways, that's a small list of Crooked I murdered instrumentals. The list goes on for A LOT longer than just 5 tracks, but like I said, these 5 are just me thinking quickly. Crooked I is one mean dude on the track, and a lot of them weren't even his own tracks. His die hard fans will tell you all about his famous Hip-Hop weekly series, which (if you don't know about it already) was a 52 week series running from April 4th, 2007 to April 3rd, 2008, and entailed Crook getting requests from his fans to rap over an instrumental of a fan's choice. Every week he rapped over a new instrumental and gave shout outs to fans (who asked him on Myspace). If there was any better way to connect with your fans than this, obviously nobody knew about it at the time. This got so much attention that Crook ended up landing an XXL cover in December of 2007. History lessons aside, there aren't many rappers in the industry who have skill quite like Crook, and any verse of his is certainly one that will  probably end up needing a couple of listens to fully digest. Let me know your favorite Crook verses on Twitter (@SuperNovaRover) or Google+, and be sure to check out the playlist I've made of crazy Crooked verses on my sound cloud account (GeoffreyGuyHHU) as well.